Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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