4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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