oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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