I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
