You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
where am i from again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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