I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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