I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
