There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize