The beer is more important than you right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
