Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
