Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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