My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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