The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize