yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
