For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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