Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
