a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A+ Viking dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
