why didn't you poke me back
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
