you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
