I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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