I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
