i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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