In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
