Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
