So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
