Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize