You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
