the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
