Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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