Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
