Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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