someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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