I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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