im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
