Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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