I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
