I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
