this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
