He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
