i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
