Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am available for nakedness
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
