There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
