I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
