OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
