just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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