The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She bit a glass in half.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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