worst night to have a conscience
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
