it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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