I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
