She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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