It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
