I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
