My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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