didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
