On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize