dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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