no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
