What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
