didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
