Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize