Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
