it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
