my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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