If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
