Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
