when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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