Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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