Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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