i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
