You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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