dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
