I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Say something about gay babies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
