I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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