I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
