I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize