i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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