help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
