So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
