I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
