Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
