yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize