Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
