the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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