every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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