I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
