Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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