k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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