Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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