zippers are such a cool invention
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize