You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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