who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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