My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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