I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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