shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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