If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
