your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
