i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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