The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
