I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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