I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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