If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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