apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
