Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize