i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
